Quotemountain.com Famous Quotes It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.
-- Sir Edmund Hillary

Funny Quotes

It is funny the two things most men are proudest of is the thing that any man can do and doing does in the same way, that is being drunk and being the father of their son.

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Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.

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I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job.

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When smashing momuments, save the pedestals -- they always come in handy.

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Less judgment than wit is more sail than ballast.

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Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.

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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

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It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

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It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down. Why do we laugh? Because it is a gravely religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified.

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Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

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When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the backyard. I was an only child...eventually.

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Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

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The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears.

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Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.

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There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas.

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Books are funny little portable pieces of thought.

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Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

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Existence is a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.

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The boy was as useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker.

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Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

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I wonder if the polite thing to do is always the right thing to do. When I met the family from Japan, they all bowed. I pretended like I was going to bow, but then I just kept going and flipped over on my back. I did this five times. I think they got the point.

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It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.

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The short people in my life are the cause of my poor posture.

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A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

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I want to start by saying something nice about President Bush. Of all the presidents we've had with the last name of Bush, his economic plan ranks in the top two.

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The Dilbert Principle: The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage--Management.

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I wish men had boobs because I like the feel of them. It's so funny - when I record I sing with a hand over each of them, maybe it's a comfort thing.- Baby Spice of the Spice Girls

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That is the best -- to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.

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Don't get your knickers in a knot. Nothing is solved and it just makes you walk funny

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The leadership instinct you are born with is the backbone. You develop the funny bone and the wishbone that go with it.

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