My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said .... Alright.... you're ugly too!
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
My wife and I were happy for twenty. Then we met!
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Life is just a bowl of pits.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.