Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
Johnny Carson
The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
Johnny Carson
Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
Johnny Carson
My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
Johnny Carson
The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.
Johnny Carson
New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.
Johnny Carson
Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'
Johnny Carson
If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson
He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner.
Johnny Carson
It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.