Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.
Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.
Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.
Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
Corporation: an ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
CAPITAL, n. The seat of misgovernment. That which provides the fire, the pot, the dinner, the table and the knife and fork for the anarchist; the part of the repast that himself supplies is the disgrace before meat.
Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.