Zoolander Quotes

Ben Stiller stars in this hilarious comedy about male runway models who are nearing the end of their careers on stage. Stiller and Owen Wilson give eye-rolling performances that keep you laughing.

Derek: Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean like an actual brother but I mean it like the way black people use it which is more meaningful, I think.

Matilda: Derek, Derek?
Derek: What do you want?
Matilda: Actually I'm trying to talk to Mugatu but he's tougher to get to than the president.
Derek: Oh, I thought you were gonna tell me what a bad "eugoogolizer" I am.
Matilda: A what?
Derek: A "eugoogolizer." One who speaks at funerals. Or did you think that I would be too stupid to know what a "eugoogoly" was?

Maury: Go back home? You're overreacting.
Derek: I want to do something meaningful with my life Maury. I have deeper thoughts on my mind. The other day I was thinking about volunteering to help teach underpriviledged children to learn how to read. And just thinking about it was the most rewarding experience I've ever had.
Maury: Derek, I don't think you're cut out for that kind of thing.
Derek: I mean, maybe I could even have my own institute. We could call it the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good.

Maury: But this is Mugatu, Derek. Right now this guy is so hot he can take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple of fishhooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.

Zoolander: I deserve to die if I can't beat Han-suck-a@@ in a walk off.
Matilda: Derek, that's not true. The guy had to miraculously pull his underwear out of his butt just to beat you.
Zoolander: And all he had to do was turn left.
Matilda: What do you mean?
Zoolander: I'm not an ambi-turner. It's a problem I had since I was a baby. I can't turn left.

Zoolander: I know that hand. It was in the fall 1973 Bulova watch catalog. You're J.P. Prewitt. The world's greatest hand model.

J.P.: And that's when I found out I was in line to assassinate Jimmy Carter.
Matilda: So how'd you manage to escape?
J.P.: Because I'm a hand model, mama. A finger jockey. We don't think the same as the face and body boys do. We're a different breed.

Zoolander: But I won't kill anybody.
J.P.: It's not up to you. At the proper moment, they'll trigger you. Usually using some kind of auditory or visual Pavlovian response mechanism.
Zoolander: Audi-what-ey?

Matilda: Every day after school I would come home and you know, I'd flip through the pages of my mom's Vogue and Glamour and ... I'd just ... I'd look at these women .. These perfect, beautiful, just unbelievable skinny women. I just couldn't - Oh, I just couldn't understand why I didn't look like them. I just didn't get it. So um, so I became ...
Hansel: What?
Matilda: Bulimic.
Zoolander: You can read minds?

Zoolander: Oh, snap!

Derek: Listen Matil, I've been thinking a lot about that bulimia thing. And I want you to know I understand where you're coming from. I feel really bad that good-looking people like us made you throw up and feel bad about yourself. For serious.

Mugatu [over intercom]: I am vile spew of the wretched masses. I am really, really dirty. I am Derelicte!

Mugatu: They're break dance fighting!

Hansel: He tried to brainwash Derek to kill the Claymation dude!

Maury: I love that kid. Dumb as a stump but I love that kids.

Prime Minister: Thank you, Derek Zoolander, for saving my life.
Zoolander [In Malaysian]: On belhalf of world fashion, you're welcome Mr. Prime Rib of Propecia.