Zoolander Quotes

Zoolander quotes are taken from that crazy movie, Zoolander, starring Ben Stiller. Stiller is hilarious in this movie about male runway models. If we missed some, feel free to join QuoteMountain and submit those that we overlooked.

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Derek: Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean like an actual brother but I mean it like the way black people use it which is more meaningful, I think.


Matilda: Derek, Derek?
Derek: What do you want?
Matilda: Actually I'm trying to talk to Mugatu but he's tougher to get to than the president.
Derek: Oh, I thought you were gonna tell me what a bad "eugoogolizer" I am.
Matilda: A what?
Derek: A "eugoogolizer." One who speaks at funerals. Or did you think that I would be too stupid to know what a "eugoogoly" was?


Maury: Go back home? You're overreacting.
Derek: I want to do something meaningful with my life Maury. I have deeper thoughts on my mind. The other day I was thinking about volunteering to help teach underpriviledged children to learn how to read. And just thinking about it was the most rewarding experience I've ever had.
Maury: Derek, I don't think you're cut out for that kind of thing.
Derek: I mean, maybe I could even have my own institute. We could call it the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good.


Maury: But this is Mugatu, Derek. Right now this guy is so hot he can take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple of fishhooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.


Zoolander: I deserve to die if I can't beat Han-suck-a@@ in a walk off.
Matilda: Derek, that's not true. The guy had to miraculously pull his underwear out of his butt just to beat you.
Zoolander: And all he had to do was turn left.
Matilda: What do you mean?
Zoolander: I'm not an ambi-turner. It's a problem I had since I was a baby. I can't turn left.


Zoolander: I know that hand. It was in the fall 1973 Bulova watch catalog. You're J.P. Prewitt. The world's greatest hand model.


J.P.: And that's when I found out I was in line to assassinate Jimmy Carter.
Matilda: So how'd you manage to escape?
J.P.: Because I'm a hand model, mama. A finger jockey. We don't think the same as the face and body boys do. We're a different breed.


Zoolander: But I won't kill anybody.
J.P.: It's not up to you. At the proper moment, they'll trigger you. Usually using some kind of auditory or visual Pavlovian response mechanism.
Zoolander: Audi-what-ey?


Matilda: Every day after school I would come home and you know, I'd flip through the pages of my mom's Vogue and Glamour and I'd just I'd look at these women .. These perfect, beautiful just unbelievable skinny women. I just couldn't - Oh, I just couldn't understand why I didn't look like them. I just didn't get it. So um so I became
Hansel: What?
Matilda: Bulimic.
Zoolander: You can read minds?


Zoolander: Oh, snap!


Derek: Listen Matil, I've been thinking a lot about that bulimia thing. And I want you to know I understand where you're coming from. I feel really bad that good-looking people like us made you throw up and feel bad about yourself. For serious.


Mugatu [over intercom]: I am vile spew of the wretched masses. I am really, really dirty. I am Derelicte!


Mugatu: They're break dance fighting!


Hansel: He tried to brainwash Derek to kill the Claymation dude!


Maury: I love that kid. Dumb as a stump but I love that kids.


Prime Minister: Thank you, Derek Zoolander, for saving my life.
Zoolander [In Malaysian]: On belhalf of world fashion, you're welcome Mr. Prime Rib of Propecia.


Jaco: It takes months to recruit and train an operative!
Georgio: What about Fabio?
Woman: Too smart. This is a rush job. He's got to be extremely dim witted.
Council Member: You know the profile, Jacobim.
Woman: A beautigul, self absorbed simpleton who can be manipulated and molded like Jell-O.
Council Member: Or cookie dough.
Council Member: Or Play Doh.
Woman: Any kind of dough!


Donald Trump: Look, without Derek Zoolander, male modeling wouldn't be what it is today.


Matilda: Derek, I don't know if you're familiar with the belief that some aboriginal tribes hold. It's the concept that a photo might steal a part of your soul. What are your thoughts on that if someone gets his picture taken for a living?
Zoolander: Well I guess I would have to answer your question with another question. How many abo-diginals do you see modeling?


Maury: I've gotta get inside. I'm "shvitzing" like a "shmedrik" with all these lights.


Hansel: I hear a lot of words like "beauty" and "handsomeness" and "incredibly chiseled features." To me that's like a vanity, a self-absorbtion that I try to steer clear of. I dig the bungee. For me, it's just the way I live my life. I grip it and I rip it. I live it with a lot of flair. I live it on the edge, where I gotta be. I wasn't like every other kids you know who dreams about being and astronaut. I was always more interested in aaaaa what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music that he's created over the years - I don't really listen to it. But the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here and I'm gonna give it my best shot.


Zoolander: Modeling, to me, isn't just about being good-looking or having a lot of fun and being really, really good looking. The caledar was great because it gave people a chance to see a side of my versatility. The original Greek word for model means "misshapen ball of clay" and I try to think about that every time I get in front of a camera.


Zoolander: Who am I? I don't know. I guess I have a lot of things to ponder.


Rufus: And the way Hansel combs his hair.
Meekus: Or like doesn't. It's like, "ex-squeeze" me, but have you ever heard of styling gel?
Brint: I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel. He's a male model.
Meekus: Earth to Brint. I was making a joke.
Brint: Earth to Meekus. Duh, okay? I knew that.
Meekus: Earth to Brint. I'm not so sure you did 'cause you were all, "I'm sure he's heard of styling gel" like you didn't know it was a joke.
Brint: I knew it was a joke, Meeus. I just didn't get it right away.


Zoolander: Did you ever think there's more to life than being really, really really ridiculously good looking? I mean maybe we should be doing something more meaningful with our lives. Like helping people.
Brint: Uhhhh Derek, what people?
Zoolander: I don't know. People who need help.