I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now -- I'm booked.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.